The Body Snatchers
by flowerllama98
Summary: Freaky Friday Parody: Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy swap bodies. What could possibly go wrong? Rated T to be safe for future chapters. Alternate chapters are Hermione/Draco POW eg. Ch 1: Hermione Ch 2: Draco etc. Please reveiw!
1. Chapter 1

**The Body-Snatchers**

**Chapter 1: I Am Hermione**

_Freaky Friday Parody: Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy swap bodies. What could possibly go wrong?_

Hermione always felt detached from the outside world when she was absorbed in a book. Even though she loved Harry and Ron, there was nothing quite like being wrapped in the comforting embrace of a good book. Here, she could escape, she could get lost, do things that she would never ordinarily do, be things that she would never allow herself to be. It didn't matter what kind of book, something about the small black print standing out dramatically on the pure white page stirred something deep within Hermione. No one else would truly understand how much comfort books brought her. In light of recent events to do with her summer at Grimmauld Place, lying awake every night, terrified for her friends and family, it was something of a privilege to vanish so completely. However, it was something of an inconvenience at times, especially when she became so blissfully detached that she didn't notice her least favourite platinum-haired ferret strolling arrogantly towards her, footsteps muffled in the deep, luxurious carpet of the library.

"Well, well, Granger, without Potter and Weasley for once, I'm surprised. No one to fight your battles here, is there?" Malfoy sneered, ironically flanked, as always, by his huge ogre bodyguards, Crabbe and Goyle.

"If you recall, Malfoy, I believe **I **punched you in the face in third year, and **you** never go anywhere without your two accessories, because if you didn't you would soon be turned into ferret stew by my two best friends, followed closely by some ginger twins in seventh year, whom I happen to know quite well also," Hermione said coolly, never lifting her eyes from her book.

Anger and humiliation flashed in Malfoy's eyes at her words, and he swatted the book viciously out of her hands.

"You'd better not speak to me like that again, filthy Mudblood," he hissed, so close to Hermione's face she could feel his warm breath.

Blind with fury, she lifted her hand and slapped him hard across his pale face, and with the other she grasped tightly onto her wand, concealed in her school robe. Draco leapt back, the red mark obvious and dramatic against his transparent skin. "You'll regret that, Granger!" he bellowed angrily, and in a flash his wand was inches from her nose. Hermione instantly rose to her feet, lifting her wand. But abruptly, her opponent was wrenched away from her with a strangled gasp, and holding his collar was the librarian, Madam Pince, livid.

"All of you," she fumed; face purple with rage, eyes bulging, "Out, get OUT!"

The Gryffindor and the Slytherins exchanged deathly glances and exited the library, Madam Pince's vicious glare boring into their backs.

Hermione stomped back to the Gryffindor common room seething. How dare he rip her so unceremoniously from her only refuge, that stupid, self-absorbed git! As she tried to pulverize the stone beneath her feet, some younger students stared curiously at her, wondering what had happened to make smoke come out of her ears. Older students knew better, and simply gave her sympathetic glances. At long last, she reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, and spat the password, "Flibbertigibbet!"

"Alright, alright, no need to be so rude," the Fat Lady said, clearly affronted, and swung forward to allow her entry.

Hermione kept stamping, and flopped into her favourite squishy chair with a huff. It was only then she realised that she was still clutching her wand tightly in her hand. She released her stiff hand slightly but did not let it go.

"_I wonder what it would be like to be Ferret-Boy?"_ she wondered thoughtfully to herself. Then she scoffed aloud; a few Gryffindors turned to look at her strangely. She ignored them. _"Bloody awful,"_ she thought, still sniggering.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Body Snatchers**

**Chapter 2: I Am Draco**

Draco really had to find himself some better company. He wasn't sure what was worse; Crabbe and Goyle silent or Crabbe and Goyle jabbering on in a meaningless jumble of grunts, like now. Just as he tilted his head to snap at them to shut up, he spied her, a flash of bushy hair in the corner of his eye. Granger was doing what she did best, sitting around being a useless know-it-all in the library. Finally, some entertainment. Mudblood baiting was his favourite sport.

"Oi, shut up. Look, it's Granger, the stupid Mudblood. C'mon," he barked to his comrades.

Without further explanation he turned on his heel and strode through the grand archway. The hard stone under his shoes gave way to rich, plush crimson carpet, and the pale blue chinks of his eyes filled with his inky black pupil as they adjusted to the dim light. Striding towards his target, he studied her. Hermione held the book like a mother would hold her child; tenderly supporting the cover, caressing every page as she turned it, absorbing every aspect of it, breathing the musty smell of old parchment, smoothing the rough pages. Something flickered deep within Draco, he couldn't quite place it. It was definitely not the inferno of hate that usually filled him when he looked at her, or any Mudblood. This was something much kinder, warmer and sweeter. _Admiration_. The feeling named itself in his mind. He dismissed it immediately; Mudbloods were not to be _admired_. They do nothing worth admiring. By now Draco was close enough to reach out and touch her face and she still hadn't noticed him. Seething that a mere Mudblood could ignore him so completely, all admiration forgotten, he unceremoniously alerted her to his presence.

"Well, well, Granger, without Potter and Weasley for once, I'm surprised. No one to fight your battles here, is there?" Draco was sure that this insulting reference to her two best friends would infuriate her; she was so loyal she could have been a Hufflepuff, but her gleefully short temper made her his favourite Mudblood out of the many he taunted frequently.

"If you recall, Malfoy, I believe I punched you in the face in third year, and you never go anywhere without your two accessories or hiding behind Snape, who people are more afraid of, because if you didn't I and many other people would soon be turning into ferret stew," she retorted. Draco seethed; she hadn't even bothered to look up from her stupid book! _"How dare she, that piece of filth!"_ he thought, mortified.

"You'd better not speak to me like that again, filthy Mudblood," he hissed, bringing his face so close to hers that he could see the individual pores in her clear skin.

He barely saw the blur that was her hand, but he certainly felt the sharp slap on his pale cheek. He clutched his stinging face, leaping away from Hermione as if she were a particularly vicious serpent. He felt the other side of his face blushing hot with shame.

"You'll regret that, Granger!" Draco's voice rang out in the thick quiet of the library. His hand closed around the smooth wood of his wand and he whipped it out reflexively, the point inches from Hermione's nose. Draco caught a glimpse of his opponent doing the same before he was wrenched backwards by a firm hand on his collar. He stumbled back, spluttering, and looked up to see the twisted face of Madam Pince, the strict librarian, staring down at him with daggers in her eyes.

"All of you," her eyes were bulging; bright blue veins were popping out on her wrinkled neck, "Out, get OUT!"

The glare that Granger gave Draco; her eyes filled with so much boiling, blistering fury, was so piercing and even slightly terrifying, that it caused the three Slytherins to recoil unconsciously. The bushy haired girl turned on her heel and stalked out of the library, her fury reflected in every step.

"C'mon," Draco barked, and strode out of the gloomy room without a backward glance. The pasty blonde boy was so livid, that he didn't even notice that Crabbe and Goyle had deserted him in favour of a hearty lunch at the Great Hall until he was halfway to the Room of Requirement. Secretly pleased with his solitude, he made his way down the lonely corridor and paced quickly in front of the stretch of wall. However, instead of revealing the Place Where Things Are Hidden, as he intended, the Room seemed to decide to meet a deeper need within Draco: rest. He had begun to notice the dark shadows around his eyes and his gaunt, drawn out features. So it was something of a relief when the Room transformed into a mass of pillows, blankets, couches and books. The exhausted boy collapsed onto one of the sofas, and sighed as he sank into its soft embrace. It was then that he realised he still clutched his wand. He twirled it in his long, white fingers absentmindedly, thinking.

"_I wonder… what it would be like to be the Mudblood Granger,"_ he said to himself thoughtfully. Draco grimaced, disgusted at what he had thought. Him, a Mudblood? There was no greater shame.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Body Snatchers**

**Chapter 3: I am Not Hermione**

Fear. Anxiety. The feeling pierced Hermione to her very core. She shivered, even though it was warm in the common room. And suddenly she was floating, and a feeling of such peace and serenity that she had never experienced enveloped her like a cool wind on a summer's day. Her fear for Harry and her worry that he might be killed, her confusion about her feelings for Ron, her terror at the thought of what would come in the time that they spent battling Voldemort, seemed never even to have existed. It was like she had been here forever, and she never wanted to leave.

And yet too soon, she was dragged, kicking and screaming, back to cold hard reality. If she did not succeed she would die. Her parents would die. Everyone would die.

What?! These people, these faces, she didn't care about them! Her parents were Muggles; they were dentists for God's sake! Not Death Eaters! Unconsciously she rubbed the inside of her left forearm, looked down and screamed, a scream that was not her own.

A scream that was his.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Body- Snatchers**

**Chapter 4: I am not Draco**

Spinning. The feeling was so unexpected and violent that Draco did not even have time to be surprised. Then falling and plummeting into a black abyss that had not bottom. Screaming. Not his scream, but a woman's scream, high and piercing, the most terrifying and blood-curdling of any scream he'd heard. A horrible, squeezing sensation, and suddenly faces, swirling in a blur of colour above him.

"Mione?! Are you alright?" the ginger blob morphed into the features of Ron Weasley.

"Get off me, Weasley!" said Draco, shoving Ron away and getting to his feet. But he had not spoken with his own voice. Instead, he heard a shrill, girlish squeal that must belong to…

"Hermione! What's wrong with you?" Potter appeared in front of him.

Draco looked around wildly. He must be in Gryffindor tower. The room was full of students in red and gold ties, all staring at him, mouths gaping.

"What's going on?!" he shouted in the same girlish yelp.

"We'd better take her to the hospital wing," said Harry.

"C'mon, Hermione, Madam Pomfrey will know what's up," Ron said gently, holding Draco by the elbow and guiding him toward the portrait hole.

"Get. Off. Me. Weasley," Draco said, shaking, and wrenched his arm from Ron's grasp.

They walked in silence to the hospital wing. Draco's head was spinning. He looked down at his feet, enclosed in small, black shoes, legs covered in thick grey tights. A black skirt brushed just above his knees and between his legs… nothing. Under his white shirt and grey knitted school vest protruded two medium sized lumps. Something uncomfortable fitted with what felt rather like wire covered them. Bushy hair kept falling in his face and he pushed it back angrily. What was happening? Somehow he was in Granger's body. He hadn't drunk Polyjuice potion. He hadn't even done any magic. What was going on?

After what felt like an age, they reached the hospital wing.

"Potter, Weasley, Granger, what's the matter at this late hour?" asked Madam Pomfrey, sounding only a little cross.

"It's Hermione, Madam Pomfrey, she's acting strangely," Ron replied.

Abruptly, the doors of the hospital wing opened again, and in walked his own body, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle.

"Madam Pomfrey," grunted Crabbe. "Draco's gone all funny."

"I'm Draco! I'm right here!" Draco finally blurted out.

"I beg your pardon?" exclaimed Madam Pomfrey, shocked.

"I'm Draco Malfoy," Draco retorted indignantly, although it lost its venom as he heard his small, timid voice form the words.

"He's right, Madam Pomfrey," he heard his own voice say. "I'm Hermione; he's got my body." She – he sounded shaken to the very core.

"Weasley, Potter, get Professor McGonagall. She'll want to know about this," said Madam Pomfrey quickly.

The boys left without a word.

"Now, Miss Grang-, Mr Malfoy," Madam Pomfrey turned to Draco. "What was the last thing you remember before being in Miss Granger's body?"

"I remember being in the Slytherin common room," he replied. "Granger had just attacked me in the library, and I…" he thought for a moment. "I wondered how awful it would be to be her."

"And I'm assuming you had thoughts to the same effect, Miss Granger?" Madam Pomfrey asked, looking at Granger.

She nodded silently.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head, and told him to take a seat on the bed closest to him to wait for Professor McGonagall.

Potter, Weasley and Professor McGonagall returned. McGonagall looked at him and Granger.

"I see," she said, brow furrowed.

She turned away to speak to Madam Pomfrey in hushed tones. When she turned back to the two students, she looked grave.

"Mr Malfoy and Miss Granger, I'm afraid you have stumbled upon a very random, rare and temperamental form of magic," she explained. "The human mind is extremely powerful, and even more so in young wizards. Some elements of magic, for example Leglimency and Occlumency, draw upon the mind's strengths and weaknesses. You have unknowingly formed a mental a link between you by dwelling on the possibility of being the other at the exact same moment. As this is an extraordinarily rare occurrence, I shall have to speak to Professor Dumbledore to see what can be done. Until then, you will return to your dormitories in those bodies; Miss Granger to Gryffindor Tower in Mr Malfoy's body and Mr Malfoy to the dungeons in Miss Granger's body." She sighed. "I am truly sorry for the both of you. This is going to be a strange and difficult experience."

"In her body?!" Malfoy sputtered. "For who knows how long?!"

McGonagall suddenly turned icy. "You will just have to make do Mr Malfoy! Now back to your dormitories all of you."

They left without a word.


End file.
